Feeling ambivalent? 🤷🏽♂️ You are not alone
It's tough out there. Messy too. We can lean on each other to make sense of the turbulence and get through. Guidance, inspiration and fun enclosed.
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I was on Radio New Zealand’s Nine to Noon show this morning. It was fantastic to be in the studio again. I was talking about ambivalence in parenting.
It seems like it was a pretty-on-top-of-mind for many people. Lot’s of people messaged in as Kathryn and I talked. Even on my way into the studio, The Project from TV3 called saying they’d heard the trailer for the RNZ show and asking if I was available to be on the show later today (I wasn’t because: parenting responsibilities - the irony).
You can listen to the discussion yourself, but there are some core takeaways about ambivalence and uncertainty in life in general that are worth thinking about outside the realm of parenting:
Ambivalence is a normal part of the human experience. Nothing is all good. And nothing is likely all bad.
However, our brain’s negativity bias causes us to linger and focus on things not going well. This causes us to perceive bad stuff as happening more frequently, and for longer periods of time than they objectively occur.
We try to avoid feeling bad. This leads to avoidance and suppression of difficult feelings.
Suppressing difficult feelings can lead to further problems, like trying to obliterate your feelings (sex, drugs, rock’n’roll), or over-scheduling yourself so you have no room for your feelings.
Ambivalence is usually temporary, if we can find relief from our own nagging conscience, most likely from internalised messages from an all too demanding society about what is expected of us.
Thanks to everyone who has already chimed in on my Introduce Yourself discussion thread here.
Let’s make this a place where we can talk safely with each other about our lives, what inspires us, and tips for getting through the challenges.
I was up at 5.50am this morning and back into the online Substack Grow programme. Part of what I figured out is that more core offering to you is about:
Guidance to navigate complex topics of life challenges
Inspiration in fresh stuff and ideas
Fun - to experience more joy in life, it’s nonsensical nature
Community - a place where we can hang out together for restoration, reflection, renewing our sense of purpose and positivity.
I also tried to summarise what my vision for my Substack can be. So far, it’s resonating. I’d love you to join in. Have I captured you in here? What else would you like to see
Abortion Ruling Poses New Questions About How Far Supreme Court Will Go
The Supreme Court’s decision last week to end US citizens’ constitutional right to abortion concluded one battle for now but immediately posed another far-reaching question: whether the judicial ground under rights in other personal matters, including contraception and same-sex marriage, is now also shaky. Made available to subscribers through my New York Times subscription.
Other ruling could also be under threat - even those relating to inter-racial marriage.
This is worth a deep dive if you want to here in-depth quality commentary from legal journalist Dahlia Lithwick. She breaks down the Dobbs decision and considers the “raw power” of the Supreme Court’s conservative supermajority.
Your data is worth more than your life to tech companies
Tech companies have created employee reimbursement programs, but they have been silent on whether they’ll protect users’ data that could put them at risk of prosecution.
The post-Roe world is data reckoning. Thirteen states have trigger bans in place that will outlaw abortion, and at least seven more states are likely to follow suit, according to a Washington Post analysis. And there is no shortage of ways that data is about to be weaponized as a tool to find and punish people seeking abortions and providers alike in those and nearby states.
More here.
NATO shifts posture
It is a fundamental shift for a military alliance born in the Cold War and scrambling to respond to a newly reshaped world
Moscow is named as the military alliance’s primary threat, and China is declared to be a “strategic” challenge - in-depth report made free to read via my NY Times sub.
The secretary-general of NATO, Jens Stoltenberg, announced that thousands of new troops would be deployed in eight countries on NATO’s eastern flank. And Mr. Biden said that Washington would deploy an Army garrison headquarters and a field support battalion in Poland, the first U.S. forces permanently located on NATO’s eastern flank.
China offered a chilly response to the new NATO moves.
“We oppose certain elements clamoring for NATO’s involvement in Asia Pacific, or an Asia Pacific version of NATO based on military alliance,” said China’s ambassador to the United Nations, Zhang Jun. “The outdated Cold War script must not be reenacted in Asia Pacific. The turmoil in parts of the world must not be allowed in Asia Pacific.”
Is Covid lurking inside you?
Scientists are investigating whether reservoirs of virus ‘hiding’ in the body are contributing to long Covid. At the moment, the gut looks a likely hideout.
Though small and preliminary, the study provides some of the most compelling evidence yet for the idea that reservoirs of the virus could be contributing to people’s long-term ill health. “The half-life of spike protein in the body is pretty short, so its presence indicates that there must be some kind of active viral reservoir,” - Professor David Walt, Harvard Medical School
The rise of ‘Orthosomnia’
I use an app connected to my watch to monitor the quality of my sleep. But are sleep apps helping, hurting, or just changing our sleep?
Here’s the trouble with trying to achieve ‘the perfect sleep’. There isn’t one. But as the use of personal sleep trackers have become common, sleep clinicians have noticed a new disorder: “orthosomnia” or “correct sleep.”
A research team based at Rush University Medical School, Chicago reported that some of their patients, who initially started using their sleep trackers to sleep better, were becoming excessively preoccupied with their quest for “good sleep,” as defined by the scores they would receive via their sleep app.
Is it possible that sleep trackers that emphasise the normative, average, desirable sleep pattern put extra pressure on users to force their sleep into a pattern that does not suit them?
Drink your coffee now :)
The US Surgeon General wants to fix loneliness
When he was first named surgeon general in 2014, Vivek Murthy traveled the USA for a listening tour to learn how he could help. The “Nation’s Doctor” heard about addiction, obesity, cancer and heart disease — and, to his surprise, loneliness.
“It resonated with me personally, because I certainly struggled with loneliness throughout my own life … It’s so hard to tell from the outside world what’s happening inside. Many of us just try to put on a brave face.”
During the pandemic, 10 of his family members have died of covid-19. The USA’s emotional health — arguably more damaged after the past two years of fear and loathing — is the reason he accepted President Biden’s offer last year to serve a second term as Surgeon General.
During his first stint as surgeon general, Murthy was a newlywed but, as previously in his life, lonely — although he didn’t realize it at the time.
“There were times in my life where my work was so intense and busy that I allowed my connections with people to wither and to diminish — that happened when I was surgeon general,” he says. “I told myself, ‘This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I have a real chance to make a contribution here to society. Let me do everything I can. Let me put every hour into this job.’ ”
Read more here.
I miss Glastonbury
Yes, there were some massive headliners - but sometimes, the undercard is also full of huge names, and just fun.
How to exercise to boost your mood – whatever your fitness level
Depression is the fourth most serious disease worldwide, yet the psychological benefits of exercise have been overlooked, says Jack Raglin, a professor of kinesiology at the Indiana University’s School of Public Health: “The evidence just keeps on coming.”
Here’s how to move yourself happy.
Watch, listen, read.
I’m watching The Morning Show Season 2 on AppleTV+ - It gets better from Episode 3 onwards. I almost didn’t make it that far.
I’m listening to the Runner’s World podcast after completing my first 5k run in years. It’s fun to think about inhabiting this part of my identity again.
I’m reading Kate Atkinson’s Life after Life. It’s slow going being a busy week, but I thought I’d venture into something I wouldn’t usually read. First published in 2013, it’s recently seen a new lease of life as a new BBC adaptation on TV.